Lesson 26
ON MATRIMONY

282 Q. What is the Sacrament of Matrimony?
A. The Sacrament of Matrimony is the Sacrament which unites a Christian
man and woman in lawful marriage.

"Christian," because if they are not Christians they do not receive the
grace of the Sacrament.

*283 Q. Can a Christian man and woman be united in lawful marriage in
any other way than by the Sacrament of Matrimony?
A. A Christian man and woman cannot be united in lawful marriage in any
other way than by the Sacrament of Matrimony, because Christ raised
marriage to the dignity of a Sacrament.

"Lawful." Persons are lawfully married when they comply with all the
laws of God and of the Church relating to marriage. To marry unlawfully
is a mortal sin, in which the persons must remain till the sin is
forgiven. "Sacrament." Before the coming of Our Lord persons were
married as they are now, and even lawfully according to the laws of the
Old Testament or old religion; but marriage did not give them any grace.
Now it does give grace, because it is a Sacrament, and has been so since
the time of Our Lord. Before His coming it was only a contract, and when
He added grace to the contract it became a Sacrament.

*284 Q. Can the bond of Christian marriage be dissolved by any human
power?
A. The bond of Christian marriage cannot be dissolved by any human
power.

"Dissolved"--that is, can married persons ever--for any cause--separate
and marry again; that is, take another husband or wife while the first
husband or wife is living? Never, if they were really married.
Sometimes, for good reason, the Church permits husband and wife to
separate and live in different places; but they are still married.
Sometimes it happens, too, that persons are not really married although
they have gone through the ceremony and people think they are married,
and they may think so themselves. The Church, however, makes them
separate, because it finds they are not really married at all--on
account of some impeding circumstance that existed at the time they
performed the ceremony. These circumstances or facts that prevent the
marriage from being valid are called "Impediments to Marriage." Some of
them render the marriage altogether null, and some only make it
unlawful. When persons make arrangements about getting married they
should tell the priest every circumstance that they think might be an
impediment. Here are the chief things they should tell the
priest--privately, if possible. Whether both are Christians and
Catholics; whether either has ever been solemnly engaged to another
person; whether they have ever made any vow to God with regard to
chastity, the religious life, or the like; whether they are related and
in what degree; whether either was ever married to any member of the
other's family--say sister, brother, or cousin, etc.; whether either
ever was a godparent in Baptism for the other or for any of the other's
children; whether either was married before, and what proof can be given
of the death of the first husband or wife; whether they really intend to
get married; whether they are of lawful age; whether they are in good
health or suffering from some sickness that might prevent their
marriage, etc. They should also state whether they live in the parish,
and how long they have lived in it. They should give at least three
weeks' notice before their marriage, except in special cases of
necessity. They should not presume to make final arrangements and invite
friends before they have made arrangements with their pastor; because if
there should be any delay on account of impediments it would cause them
great inconvenience. Let me take an example of a fact that would render
the marriage invalid or null though the persons performing the ceremony
might not be aware of it. Suppose a woman's husband went to the war, and
she heard after a great many years that he had been killed in battle,
and she, believing her first husband to be dead, married another man.
But the report of the first husband's death turns out to be false, and
after a time he returns. Then the Church tells the woman--and she knows
it now herself--that the second marriage was invalid, that is, no
marriage, because it was performed while the first husband was still
living. She must leave the second man and go back to her husband. You
see in that case the Church was not dissolving or breaking the marriage
bond, but only declaring that the woman and second man were not married
from the very beginning, although they thought they were, being ignorant
of the existing impediment, and the priest also being deceived performed
the ceremony in the usual manner. If it ever happens, therefore, that
you hear of the Church permitting persons, already apparently married,
to separate and marry others, it is only when it discovers that their
first marriage was invalid, and by its action it does not dissolve the
bond of marriage, but simply declares that the marriage was null and
void from the beginning, as you now easily understand. Thus persons
might unwittingly marry with existing impediments that would render
their marriage invalid or illicit. Such things, however, happen very
rarely, for the priest would discover the impediments in questioning the
persons about to marry.

Protestants and persons outside the Catholic Church teach that the
marriage bond can at times be dissolved, but such doctrines bring great
evil upon society. When the father and mother separate and marry again,
the children of the first marriage are left to take care of themselves,
or receive only such care as the law gives them. They are left without
Christian instruction and the good influence of home. Then persons who
are divorced once may be divorced a second or third time, and thus all
society would be thrown into a state of confusion, and there would be
scarcely any such thing as a family to be found. It is bad enough at
present, on account of divorces granted by the laws and upheld by
Protestants; and only for the influence and good public opinion created
by the teaching and opposition of the Catholic Church, it would be much
worse. Again, if husbands and wives could separate for this or that
fault, they would not be careful in making their choice of the person
they wish to marry, nor would their motives be always holy and worthy of
the Sacrament.

285 Q. Which are the effects of the Sacrament of Matrimony?
A. The effects of the Sacrament of Matrimony are: first, to sanctify the
love of husband and wife; second, to give them grace to bear with each
other's weaknesses; third, to enable them to bring up their children in
the fear and love of God.

The union and love existing between a husband and wife should be like
the union and love existing between Our Lord and His Church. The grace
of the Sacrament helps them to have such a love. "Weaknesses"--that is,
their faults, bad dispositions, etc. "Bring up their children." This is
their most important duty, and parents receive grace to perform it, and
woe be to them if they abuse that grace! Children should remember that
their parents have received this special grace from God to advise,
direct, and warn them of sin; and if they refuse to obey their parents
or despise their direction, they are despising God's grace. Remember
that nothing teaches us so well as experience. Now your parents, even if
God gave them no special grace, have experience. They have been children
as you are; they have been young persons as you are; they have received
advice from their parents and teachers as you do. If your parents are
bad, it is because they have not heeded the advice given them. If they
are good, it is because they have heeded and followed it. The years of
your youth quickly pass, and you will soon be thrown out into the world,
among strangers to provide for yourselves, and will perhaps have no one
to advise you. If you neglect to learn while you have the opportunity
you will be sorry for it in after life. If you waste your time in
school, you will leave it knowing very little, and an ignorant man can
never take any good position in the world; he can seldom be his own
master and independent; he must always toil for others as a servant. God
gives us our talents and opportunities that we may use them to the best
of our ability, and He will hold us accountable for these. It is good
and praiseworthy to raise ourselves and others in the world if we do so
by lawful and proper means. You may have the opportunity of getting a
good position, and will not be able to take it because you are not
sufficiently educated. Many young men live to be sorry for wasting time
in school, and try to make up for it by studying at night. You cannot
really make up for lost time. Every moment God gives you He gives for
some particular work, and He will require an account from you, at the
last day, for the use you made of your time. Besides, you can learn with
greater ease while you are young. But what shall I say of neglecting to
learn your holy religion? If you neglect your school lessons you will
not be successful in the world as businessmen or professional men; but
if you neglect your religious lessons, you will be miserable, not merely
in this world, but in the next, and that for all eternity. Again, will
you not feel ashamed to say you are a Catholic when persons who are not
Catholics ask you the meaning of something you believe or do, and you
will not be able to answer? When they tell falsehoods against your
religion, you will not, on account of your ignorance, be able to refute
them. Almost the only time you have to learn the truths and practices of
your holy religion is during the instructions at Sunday school or day
school, and after a few years you will not have this advantage. When you
grow up you may hear a sermon, and if you attend early Mass, only a
short instruction, on Sundays; and if you do not know your Catechism,
you will be less able to profit by the instructions given. Therefore the
time to learn is while you are young, have sufficient leisure, and good,
willing teachers to explain whatever you do not understand.

When you attend Sunday school, bear in mind that your teachers have
frequently to sacrifice their time or pleasure for your sake, and that
you should not repay them for their kindness by acts of disobedience,
disrespect, and stubbornness. By spending your time in idleness, in
giving annoyance to your teacher, and in distracting others who are
willing to learn, you show a want of appreciation and gratitude for the
blessings God has bestowed upon you, and please the devil exceedingly;
and as God will hold you accountable for all His gifts, this one--the
opportunity of learning your religion--will be no exception.

286 Q. To receive the Sacrament of Matrimony worthily, is it necessary
to be in the state of grace?
A. To receive the Sacrament of Matrimony worthily it is necessary to be
in the state of grace, and it is necessary also to comply with the laws
of the Church.

"The laws," laws concerning marriage. Laws forbidding the solemnizing of
marriage at certain times, namely, Advent and Lent; laws forbidding
marriage with relatives, or with persons of a different religion or of
no religion; laws with regard to age, etc.

*287 Q. Who has the right to make laws concerning the Sacrament of
marriage?
A. The Church alone has the right to make laws concerning the Sacrament
of marriage, though the State also has the right to make laws concerning
the civil effects of the marriage contract.

"Civil effects"--that is, laws with regard to the property of persons
marrying, with regard to the inheritance of the children, with regard to
the debts of husband and wife, etc.

*288 Q. Does the Church forbid the marriage of Catholics with persons
who have a different religion or no religion at all?
A. The Church does forbid the marriage of Catholics with persons who
have a different religion or no religion at all.

*289 Q. Why does the Church forbid the marriage of Catholics with
persons who have a different religion or no religion at all?
A. The Church forbids the marriage of Catholics with persons who have a
different religion or no religion at all because such marriages
generally lead to indifference, loss of faith, and to the neglect of the
religious education of the children.

We know that nothing has so bad an influence upon people as bad company.
Now, when a Catholic marries one who is not a Catholic, he or she is
continually associated with one who in most cases ignores the true
religion, or speaks at least with levity of its devotions and practices.
The Catholic party may resist this evil influence for a time, but will,
if not very steadfast in the faith, finally yield to it, and, tired of
numerous disputes in defense of religious rights, will become more and
more indifferent, gradually give up the practice of religion, and
probably terminate with complete loss of faith or apostasy from the true
religion. We know that the children of Seth were good till they married
the children of Cain, and then they also became wicked; for, remember,
there is always more likelihood that the bad will pervert the good, than
that the good will convert the bad. Besides the disputes occasioned
between husband and wife by the diversity of their religion, their
families and relatives, being also of different religions, will seldom
be at peace or on friendly terms with one another. Then the children can
scarcely be brought up in the true religion; for the father may wish
them to attend one church, and the mother another, and to settle the
dispute they will attend neither. Besides, if they have before them the
evil example of a father or mother speaking disparagingly of the true
religion, or perhaps ridiculing all religion, it is not likely they will
be imbued with great respect and veneration for holy things. There is
still another reason why Catholics should dread mixed marriages. If the
one who is not a Catholic loses regard for his or her obligations,
becomes addicted to any vice, and is leading a bad life, the Catholic
party has no means of reaching the root of the evil, no hope that the
person may take the advice of the priest, or go to confession or do any
of those things that could effect a change in the heart and life of a
Catholic. For all these very good reasons and others besides, the Church
opposes mixed marriages, as they are called when one of the persons is
not a Catholic. Neither does the Church want persons to become converts
simply for the sake of marrying a Catholic. Such conversions would not
be sincere, and would do no good, but rather make such converts
hypocrites, and guilty of greater sin.

*290 Q. Why do many marriages prove unhappy?
A. Many marriages prove unhappy because they are entered into hastily
and without worthy motives.

"Hastily"--without knowing the person well or considering their
character or dispositions; without trying to discover whether they are
sober, industrious, virtuous, and the like; whether they know and
practice their religion, or whether, on the contrary, they are given to
vices forbidden by good morals, and totally forgetful of their religious
duties. In a word, those wishing to marry should look for enduring
qualities in their lifelong companions, and not for characteristics that
please the fancy for the time being. They should, besides, truly love
each other. Again, the persons should be nearly equals in education,
social standing, etc., for it helps greatly to secure harmony between
families and unity of thought and action between themselves.

"Worthy motives." The motives are worthy when persons marry to fulfill
the end for which God instituted marriage. It would, for example, be an
unworthy motive to marry solely for money, property, or other advantage,
without any regard for the holiness and end of the Sacrament. There are
many motives that may present themselves to the minds of persons wishing
to marry, and they will know whether they are worthy or unworthy, good
or bad, if by serious consideration they weigh them well and value them
by their desire to please God and lead a good life.

Every person's motive in getting married or in entering into any new
state of life should be that he may be able to serve God better in that
state than in any other.

*291 Q. How should Christians prepare for a holy and happy marriage?
A. Christians should prepare for a holy and happy marriage by receiving
the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Eucharist; by begging God to grant
them a pure intention and to direct their choice; and by seeking the
advice of their parents and the blessing of their pastors.

They should pray for a long time that they may make a good choice. They
would do well to read in the Holy Scripture, in the Book of Tobias (8),
of the happy marriage of Tobias and Sara, and how they spent their time
in prayer both before and after their marriage, and how God rewarded
them. Advice is very necessary, as marriage is to last for life, and is
to make persons either happy or miserable. They should ask advice from
prudent persons, and should try to learn something of the former life of
the one they wish to marry. They should know something about the family,
whether its members are respectable or not, etc. It is an injustice to
parents for sons or daughters to marry into families that may have been
disgraced, or that may bring disgrace upon them. Sometimes, however,
parents are unreasonable in this matter: they are proud or vain, and
want to suit themselves rather than their children. Sometimes, too, they
force marriage upon their children, or forbid it for purely worldly or
selfish motives. In such cases, and indeed in all cases, the best one to
consult and ask advice from is your confessor. He has only your
spiritual interests at heart, and will set aside all worldly motives. If
your parents are unreasonable, he will be a just judge in the matter,
and tell you how to act.

I have now explained all the Sacraments, but before finishing I must say
a word about the Holy Oils. We have seen that oil is used in the
administration of some Sacraments. There are three kinds of oil blessed
by the bishop on Holy Thursday, namely, oil for anointing the sick,
called "oil of the infirm"; oil to be used in Baptism and in the
ordination of priests, called "oil of catechumens" (catechumens are
those who are being instructed for Baptism); the third kind of oil is
used also in Baptism, in Confirmation, and when the bishop blesses the
sacred vessels, altars, etc.; it is called "holy chrism." Therefore the
Sacraments in which oil is used are: Baptism, in which two kinds are
used; Confirmation, Extreme Unction, and Holy Orders.